Saturday, January 1, 2011

2011 ~ I will be the fool no more.


No more.

I do not understand this game you play.  I did not understand the first time, and I do not understand now.  In the years past, I loved you.  I loved you deeply, deeper than I should have allowed.  I gave you my heart, I gave you my all, every ounce that I had.  Something happened, somehow it all went wrong.

You hurt me.
You hurt me bad. 

When I could take no more, I tried to let you go.  I did all I could to hide, to run, to protect myself.  I had to; I could not continue to see, to cry, to mourn.  To hurt.  The result was you taking the knife and driving it deeper.  Twisting it.  What was it you wanted, revenge?  For what.  To what end.

Congratulations.  You had your revenge.  And you stripped me bare.  You won.  Did it give you satisfaction?

Like a fool, I looked back.  I went back.  I thought it could be different now.  I loved you still.  I missed you so.  Even after it all.  The hurt, the pain, the tears.  I put it all aside, I reached out, I took a risk.

I am a fool.  I always have been.

I should have known better.  I did know better.  And still, I leapt.  I leapt with my heart, instead of my head.  Always the fool.

2011, I will not allow you to hurt me again.  I will not allow you to twist the knife to further your self satisfaction, your revenge, or whatever it is that you seek.

2011, I will not be the fool.

2011, I will let go, I will move on, I will heal.  I will live, I will laugh, I will love, again.

This is my new year’s resolution.





7 comments:

  1. That is powerfully, beautifully written...*hugs* I don't know your pain, but you have my admiration for your strength and courage

    ReplyDelete
  2. Damn Woman......what a way to start your year.

    Luv ya, you know it.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Thanks guys. I hate this year end reflect stuff. Has me all over the place and thinking about too much suck. Suck just... sucks.

    I don't usually put this stuff out here, not sure why I did now. Having one of those over emotional things I guess.

    But, it's done. On with the books and the happy dancin'. Tis better. More fun anyway.

    ReplyDelete
  4. *hugs*

    I hope 2011 is a fabulous year for you, hon!

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  5. Beautiful Amara! You have such a strong soul, I know you can do it and that 2011 will be an awesome year for you!!
    Know you have me and others beside and around you for every step of the way.
    *HUGS*

    ReplyDelete
  6. I hope 2011 brings you much happiness and love. *hugs*

    ReplyDelete

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