Friday, March 30, 2012

Continuing mind boggle

I will never understand.

I’m beginning to just accept that. I’m actually kind of numb. I get numb brain when I just see so many mind boggling things, my brain starts to hurt then just kind of… numbs.

There is something that’s really been bothering me the last few days. It’s exactly the same thing that bothered me last fall. It bothers me every time I see it, RL and online.

Perhaps it’s just that I don’t understand people. At all. Not even a little.

I’ve watched for days as people have beating there heads against the wall, trying to get people to understand this whole firestorm over Jessewave. Still they don’t get it. Two camps. One is hurt and alienated by the exclusion of trans* in the definition of “pure” M/M. One that insists a mob of bully authors just wants to demand she review their books, when she doesn’t want to.

Nothing will make group 2 understand that what she reviews isn’t the point. Maybe if the group of “bully authors” even had trans* books I could understand the leap. To my knowledge...they don’t. Which only furthers my lack of understanding of why things didn’t penetrate.

It was explained so clearly how the “pure M/M” and exclusion of Trans* in the definition of “real man” was the issue. And yet… no. Reviews. That’s the issue. Time and time again responses of “Not about reviews”… still no. Reviews.

Whatever. The depth of the lack of understanding just … boggles.

But then, perhaps the real issue isn’t any of those things. Perhaps as stated … these people just don’t like “strong, Canadian, black women.”


I’m moving on. It’s the same people from last fall. It’s the same lack of understanding. They didn’t get it back then, they don’t get it now. *shrugs* whatever. More places I won’t visit, more people I’ve lost respect for.

But here’s what gets me today. And the reason for my post is only partly because of days of seeing this there at Jessewave, I’ve seen it elsewhere today. I see it a lot. And it leaves me first with a blank stare, followed by a big… what is wrong with people?

If someone comes to you and says… “What you said is hurtful. What you said is hateful. What you said has hurt me.” To me the immediate response is… “I’m sorry. I’ll not do that again.”

A recognition. A recognition of the pain you caused. Hopefully, a desire to not repeat it.

This is not what I see happening.

What I see happening is…

“I didn’t intend to hurt you. No, I won’t stop saying it just because you say I should, I will continue to say it. Stop bullying me.”

I see… “I can say what I want. You can’t tell me what to say or not to say.”

I see… “That’s PC and PC and I don’t mix so it’s OK to say.”

I don’t understand.

How can that be the response?


It HURTS people.


I can’t imagine behaving in such a manner.

And claiming the hurt was unintentional is only good enough… IF YOU STOP DOING IT.

To say it’s unintentional, and continue to do it, continue to say it, try to defend it…



That’s just me …and my over boggled mind.

ps: this is not about anyone's right to review or not review a book. Just thought I'd mention that, in case that wasn't clear. Just sayin.


  1. Yeah, I don't get it either. I don't personally care what JW reviews. And for the record, JW *has* reviewed a transgender story of mine. All I did was ask a question - what is the reason behind no trans reviews? I just wanted to know what the reason was. Was it just because the characters were trans, was it because the authors mentioned female anatomy...what was the squick factor? What was the reason. And I never got an answer. Instead, I got accused of launching a personal attack on a person I don't know anything about. And then I got accused again by another person I know nothing about. ::shakes head:: All I wanted was an answer. I don't care if she reviews trans romances or not. I just want a reason WHY NOT. I was one of the most civil authors to comment on the original post. I even said I didn't care what she reviewed, *and* I said I wasn't asking anything in malice, or to start a fight, etc. Whatever. I've asked the my stories not be submitted to the site going forward. And it's not because of the no trans thing. It's simply because I can't get a clear answer out of her. Period.

    1. Yeah, I was watching. I tend to be a lurker because I suck at holding my tongue when I'm upset. Sometimes it's best for me to just... lurk.

      Personally, I didn't see anything wrong with your questions. At all. Seems any questioning = personal attack.

      Dunno. It's bizarre to me. *shrugs* Always will be.

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  3. I was saddened to see the race card thrown. I am myself am a "strong black woman"... and I enjoy seeing other strong black women out there in the blogosphere. True, I'm an American. I'd like to go on the record as saying I have no issues with Canadians. I like Canada. I like some of their policies (the country) better than I like some of my own countries policies. It's not enough to push me to becoming an ex-pat, but... I like Canada. I like Canadians. I am black, among other things. I like black people. And I love this blog.

    For what it's worth, DC, I heard what you had to say. It only seemed a clear question to me, and written in a very non-inflammatory manner.



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